Lift my soul
Oh boy has this ever been a very challenging past few days. I offered to help a very dear friend of mine who I love so much. First I'll start by telling a little of her story. Out of respect I am not going to mention her name. My sweet friend has always been such a compassionate, loving, giving person. The kind you don't meet every day. She would do, and always did, anything for anyone. Never putting her needs or wants before anyone else. She was so beautiful inside and out.
She married a man after High school who I watched over the past 20 years slowly emotionally abuse her into the ground until she had nothing left. She finally got away from him, but after 20 years of abuse, she was left empty. She had no self esteem, no confidence, no drive to get better.
She found a man who she thought loved her. She fell head over heals for him and again was willing to do anything for him. The problem was, that this man was a drug addict. And he showed her everything he knew. Now two years later, he is in jail and my sweet friend is homeless and severely addicted to drugs.
I offered her a place to stay at my house for a few days. 3 to be exact. I watched her sleep, cry, go into crazy tantrums, tell me she wanted to go back to her drug family, and watched her go through physical agony just to name a few things. The friend I knew was gone. Every once in a while I'd see a little light in her eyes of what might be a little of her left still deep inside. At least that was what I was hoping for.
I myself know how hard it is because I once suffered from substance abuse. It breaks my heart to watch her suffer and crave more and more of what is making her suffer so badly. That is why drugs are so evil. How can you crave something you hate so much. You can see it destroying you and stripping away all of the goodness in you. You cry because you hate it so bad, yet you can't even sleep because you want and need more.
I learned over those days that my deep love for her is not enough to save her. I already knew that in my heart but I still struggled not to take it personally because I was always able to help her, but this was much bigger than me. She promised me she had none on her and I wanted to believe her. She said she was "done" and again I wanted to believe her. "She" wanted to believe her!! Everything that comes out of a drug addicts mouth is a lie. That is the first rule to remember when taking care of an addict. Even when that addict is one of your best friends.
Anyway......we are trying to find her a treatment center so she can have a chance. She deserves it. She would never give up on any of us if the tables were turned. I know that with all my heart. So my dear friend....just know that I will do everything I can to get you back and help you. Even if you hate me for it. I love you....I wont give up on you! This song is for you.